Girl from mars.


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   Saturday, February 22, 2003  
nothing else to call this,but just on implulse.I decided i needed a haircut so bad today,and i went and they basically snapped it all off.I have a sort of a a bob right now.Which is not exactly what i want,but i'm just saying fuck it to myself right now,and trying to make the best out of whats left.Man...i look so far from what i originally wanted.I want to trim it,neaten it a bit,then go for blonde hi-lights...now i'll wait for it to grow a little longer,and just try to take better care of it now,so that it grows out better.I'm up for the streaks though,i think it'll wear better now,than when it was dry and a little brittle before.It's a change,and just i need a fucking change now,whatever form it is.I hope my face clear up soon,cos this is getting me down a little,no matter how hard i'm fighting it,i just don't want to go to school,go out and hang my head down,and not be able to enjoy a simple day because i'm too obsessed with how ppl are treating me,whatever all that shit is supoosed to be called.I realise no matter what product i buy,i'm still going to look something like me,not girls in magazine,not girls i see ard that i keep thinking are better than me because they have nicer stuff.I'm judging my own worth,and everytime i do that i always lost.I'm the worst.Why does it happen that way? dun even look at myself enough to judge myself.I am truly,deeply sick of this.It's juvenile,and the fact that i ca't seem to stop just makes me more mad at myself,and that anger is always shooting off into somebody elses way,and it just cannot go on.It's like i can't even try.THe more things i do,the better i hope i can get,but everytime things just gets worse.Never better.It doesn't seem fair,but maybe i should start competing for the right things,and pick things up. I just want to be a better person,and i'm sick of falling,so if there is some one out there,please tell me what to do,just help me pick it up and move on,because i'm sick of getting my soul broken and broken over nothing.I said these so many times,i'm sick of it.I want tomorrow to be better,And better and better and better.I need it to become better.
   posted by Lipgloss assassin at 8:56 AM


   Thursday, February 20, 2003  
Nobody is reading this and this is the way i like it.This is peace.I'm finding it easier to do this now,because it's harder to write it down on paper now.It's hard to go back.
I was feeling pretty shitty today,because i was sick,and alone in school,cos everybody i know had something to do all of a sudden at the same time.Funny.It was a pretty bad feeling,being weak and lonesome and walking around school,feeling like nobody's there for me.Even receiving a stranger's smile or anything would help lift me up a little,but didnt happen.People look nice,though.I ate on my own today.It's a first.It's not that scary,i feel like myself,and people left me alone,so thats all right.I feel like a loser saying things like this,but everybody has these days,I guess.You have to go down the low before you appreciate the high.Whatever that means.
I am still looking for a person.It's hard to go school without someone you look forward to going to class for,just so you get to see him.It's hard to fall for somebody,or even a crush...I don't fall easily,when i do,i should take the chance.Cos it's not as easy as you think,and it doesn't happen very often,so...we should never take our time like that.I don't have a hard hit on somebody right now,but i think there is someone i want to get to know better first.I've screwed it up the first few times,so now i just hope i don't screw it up again.I just need to talk to him,for a chance.Then we'll see what goes from there.

sometimes i just wish life was less complicated for me.I just want something to work for me,once.Why does it always look easy when other people do it?
   posted by Lipgloss assassin at 6:46 AM


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